Showing posts with label Yizkor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Yizkor. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 15, 2024

Yom Kippur Morning: Judaism in Context

 A version of this sermon was delivered Yom Kippur Morning, 5785/2025 at Temple B'nai Torah - A Reform Congregation, Wantagh, NY

Sitting before a committee in the House of Representatives last December, the now former President of Harvard University, Claudine Gay, was asked by New York Rep Elise Stefanik: “At Harvard, does calling for the genocide of Jews violate Harvard’s rules of bullying and harassment?”[1] 

Her now infamous answer: “It can be, depending on the context.”  Rep Stefanik pressed Dr. Gay who added: “Antisemitic speech when it crosses into conduct that amounts to bullying, harassment, intimidation — that is actionable conduct and we do take action.” 

But Rep. Stefanik was not satisfied: “So the answer is yes, that calling for the genocide of Jews violates Harvard code of conduct, correct?” she asked. 

“Again, it depends on the context,” Gay said, doubling down on her equivocation.

What a disappointing answer, of course.  What a frustrating place to be in this nation, that the president of Harvard, the now #3 university in this country, can’t seem to find the moral backbone to say that antisemitism and calling for the death of Jews is unequivocally against their code of conduct.  You’ll remember that this testimony came after weeks of protests and encampments at universities across this nation.  These encampments purported to be protesting Israel’s actions in the war, but they soon devolved into protesting against Israel’s right to exist and ultimately against Jews in general.  Anti-Zionism is not always antisemitism, but it almost always devolves into it because anti-Zionism is predicated on singling out Jews and the Jewish state.  Jewish students were harassed, prevented from getting to classes and activities, and ostracized from their peers.  Protestors chanted slogans, knowingly or unknowingly, advocating the destruction of Israel and violence against Jews.  Protestors vandalized public property, cosplaying revolutionaries, puppets of a Messianist Islamic regime.

How did it get to this point, Congress wanted to know, that Jewish students have had to sue their universities for violating their title VI protections?  How did it get to this point, indeed. 

Dr. Gay’s remarks in front of Congress faced so much backlash from students, clergy, and even the White House, that she was forced to offer an apology and ultimately resign from that position.  It’s Yom Kippur, so I’ll accept that Dr. Gay’s apology was sincere, and I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt that the forum and setting maybe got to her, and that her lawyers maybe overly coached her to prevent her from saying something damaging to the university.  I don’t believe that she is an antisemite.  I believe that to understand her answer requires context.

This last year we have learned that context.  Harvard and other universities have an allowance for antisemitism in their professors, in their student groups, and in their curricula.  Their ivory towers gleam flawed intersectional theories of oppressed and oppressor to the point that they are blinded into believing that Hamas terrorists, who raped and desecrated women and men, who murdered babies, who murdered whole families hiding in safe rooms, and who use their own women and children as human shields, that this group is the just and righteous party in this conflict.  The Israelis, the one Jewish state in the world, the one democracy in the Middle East, are monsters and must be stopped, according to this twisted world view.

While Dr. Gay was wrong in that moment to declare that antisemitism and calling for genocide require context, she is not wrong about the importance of context in general.  Context is necessary to understand the world around us.  When we don’t understand a word, we use context clues to figure it out.  Context means we factor in more than just what’s in front of us to help us make sense of conflict.  Context in this case also means that there are no easy answers and many conclusions that can be drawn.  Seeing ourselves in a broader context is also what this day, HaYom, the Day, as the Mishnah calls it, asks us to consider, in many ways.  Context can give us comfort; it helps us to see a bigger story and understand patterns in the life of Jews and Judaism.

Understanding the context is why October 7 was for me, and I think for many of us, so confusing and yet made so much sense.  It left us shaken but not necessarily surprised.  It was both unprecedented as well as steeped in precedent.  Let me explain what I mean.  This is not Israel’s first war.  This is not Israel’s first war with Hamas in Gaza.  This story has been told before.  Every few years since Israel’s disengagement from Gaza in 2005 there has been a flare up.  More rockets, more airstrikes, not always ground troops, but sometimes.  A few months of discomfort for Israelis, a few months of airstrikes degrading Hamas abilities, a few more batteries of Iron Dome, a few months of Israel being harangued in the press for the tragic death of Palestinian civilians.  We grew accustomed to the pattern.  Al chet that we did.  We expected that the IDF would prevent anything worse from happening.  Al chet that they did not.

And yet, this attack was different.  This attack was not the random rocket fire which accompanied the beginning of previous attacks.  This attack was well-organized and multi-faceted, coordinated with help and information from workers that had been welcomed to Israel by peace-loving kibbutzniks, who tried to love their neighbors, and who built their homes with shelters.  This felt like an attack on the good will of the Israelis who live near Gaza.  And it felt like it was intended to cause as much pain and death to civilians as possible.  I saw what was done to the homes on the kibbutzim and heard firsthand about the sense of betrayal.  I heard from the rabbis who processed the bodies of the victims about what they saw.  Black Saturday, October 7, was more expansive, more sadistic, and more death-centered than anything that had happened before in this conflict between Israel and the Palestinians.  It undermined our sense of safety and plunged us into seeing ourselves in the context of being Jews under attack.  This is a new experience for most of us.  October 7 set off a wave of antisemitism that seemed almost too easy for society to slip into.  We have no context for this and feel unmoored.

The Palestinians have a context for the conflict as well.  Unfortunately, too many in their community see these patterns violence and death and the destruction of Israel as the only recourse.  Too many in their leadership fail to see that these patterns, and opting for death instead of life, will not yield any progress. 

The October 7 attack was more brutal and savage than anything that had ever happened in the state of Israel, but it is not without precedent in Jewish history.  My travels in Europe this summer reminded me of that context.  The maps of the many cities and shtetels that used to be, where Jews were shot, or burned, or otherwise massacred in their homes, in their synagogues, with their families.  The sites of mass murder.  The rounding up of children.  The attacks that require that Jews are seen as less than human.  These kinds of attacks are, sadly, part of our history.  That probably doesn’t do a lot to bring us comfort, but I do think it provides us some solace, because it puts us in a place where our ancestors and relatives have been.  And through it all, we are still here.  Celebrating Yom Kippur, on the same day as outlined in the Torah, as we have been doing for thousands of years.  Enemies rise and enemies fall. 

From Pharaoh, to Amalek, to Haman, to the Greeks, to the punishments and tortures at the hands of the Romans, to the Muslim conquests, to the Crusades, to the Inquisition in Spain, to the Czar, to the Nazis, to Nasser, to the Iranians and their proxies, we know the history of being in the crosshairs, of being subject to the whims of politicians and Popes, of being subject to the whims of the economy and charismatic leaders who seek a scapegoat.  But we’ve mostly known it as history.  Now it is our present.

Our year is peppered with holidays that remind us of our complicated history.  Passover begins with a decree to kill all the Jewish children.  Purim is a story of a thwarted genocide of our people.  Chanukah’s enemy sought to take away our identity and Torah.  Many of our holidays, we often joke, fall into the category of: they tried to kill us, we survived, let’s eat.  On October 7, we were moved from a time of, “we survived, let’s eat,” to a time of “they tried to kill us.”  We’re in a time of war.  They’re still trying to kill us.  The rockets are still falling.  The hostages are still in captivity.  It’s a scary place to be.  We feel out of context even though we are deeply within it.  We’re in a different part of the pattern now.  And recognizing that is at the heart of what this day can do for us: give us strength from history and the reminder that we will make it to “we survived.”  And, ultimately, to “let’s eat.”

Yom Kippur can give us strength because this day asks us to see ourselves in a series of broader contexts, to remind us of larger eternal truths and of the patterns of Jewish existence.  At the same time Yom Kippur helps us to acknowledge that, often, what is going on around us is hard, and violent, and sad, and maddening.  Yom Kippur offers us the opportunity to rededicate ourselves to our relationships with God and with each other.  When we do this, the madness may abate, the difficulties may stop.  As we acknowledge our failings, our prayers also acknowledge the failings of the world, the unfinishedness of creation, the broken vessels waiting to be repaired to gather God’s light.  We are imperfect beings. The world is imperfect, and yet we choose life, our Torah portion reminds us.  We have a choice before us.  Life or death.  Our enemies choose death.  We choose life.  We choose shelters and missile defense.  We choose life and we choose blessing.  When we make it to the end of this day, if we hold out to that last shofar blast, then God will have pardoned and overlooked our imperfections, and perhaps as we repair ourselves, we believe that the world can be on the way to tikkun, to repair, as well.   

On Yom Kippur, we spend time living in our history.  We follow the path of the High Priest in the Temple in Jerusalem in our Avodah Service.  As a part of our afternoon on our holiest of days we are tasked with reenacting in word and story the ancient ritual of atonement that would begin by the High Priest entering the Holy of Holies and atoning for his sins.  Then, we read, he would atone for his family’s sins.  He moves from himself alone, to his family.  He broadens his context.  Finally, his context expands again as he atones for the entire people.  Each time, he’d go in, face to face with God, and he’d represent a broader group.  He would see himself as a part of something bigger.  And only then would God grant atonement.  It required the High Priest to see himself as more than just himself, but as a part of a bigger society.

Like the High Priest of old, we each go through a similar process.  We focus on our own sins and we atone.  In order to do that, we have to first consider ourselves in the context of other people.  We have to consider our relationships and the ways we missed the mark in word, in deed, and in thought.  We focus on committing to be better individuals in the year ahead. 

We also expand our context and focus on our families and our personal histories.  We include a Yizkor service to remember where we come from, to recall those who have a lasting influence on us.  We expand the way we think about ourselves on this day as we open up to the immediate and recent past.  We see ourselves in the context of our families.  The context transports us to times of love and joy and difficulty, stories of laughter and ache.  Yizkor is powerful as a way to remember values we learned from our loved ones of blessed memory, to remember the life that they gave us and the life that they taught us.  For some of us, it’s those values we learned despite them, too.  Either way, Yizkor challenges us on this day to focus on remembering that we come from somewhere and that we are a part of a bigger story.  Yizkor gives us the chance to expand our frame of reference for a part of the day, to broaden the context in which we come seeking atonement.

Yom Kippur also asks us to see ourselves in the broader, difficult context of Jewish history.  There is an entire section of the service dedicated to remembering the 10 martyrs.  These were 10 rabbis whose stories of martyrdom form the basis of a midrash and ultimately a liturgical poetic setting known as the Eleh Ezkarah, these I will remember.  It has not been our custom here to read this poem, but the stories of how the rabbis were killed are not pleasant.  They are stories of torture, of sadism, and of deep faith.  They are stories that demand on this day that we look at what can happen to our people.  They demand that we consider the tenuous place of being a Jew in the world.  This is not the context in which we have lived, but it is the context we feel right now.  It’s hard to be a Jew.  We know it.  God knows it.  Yom Kippur knows it.  Yom Kippur reminds us of this difficulty.  And ultimately, Yom Kippur says that our people make it through, the same way we make it through this day. 

Today, we won’t hear the stories of the 10 martyrs.  But our Yizkor service does have a powerful section of tribute and prayer for those who died on October 7 and since.  We will hear some stories of those who died only because they were Jews.  We will offer prayers for them, and we will grieve alongside Jews everywhere.  I encourage everyone to stay for Yizkor this year, even if it is not your custom, and, yes, even if your parents are still alive.  Be with us in community as we mourn and remember together.  It is a beautiful and powerful service, and it’s not that long. 

There is one more piece of context that I think is important before we make our way toward our Yizkor, and that is that our prayers, and the way that Yom Kippur works liturgically is predicated on there not being an Israel, predicated on there not being a state where Jews can go, where we have self-determination, and where we are the majority.  In the context of the broader Jewish history, our ancestors could have never dreamed and imagined the way that Israel has flowered and grown and progressed, how a new Jewish culture emerged from the ashes of Europe and the rubble of the Arab world.  It’s not a perfect nation, to be sure, but it is here. 

Historically speaking, this might be the best time to be Jewish in history.  I know it doesn’t feel like that right now as we are mired in war and heartache.  Yom Kippur asks us to remember that where we are now is a point in history.  We have much that brought us to this point, and context matters.  Yom Kippur asks us to see ourselves in the patterns and contexts of Jewish history, to remember that it is sometimes hard, but always beautiful, to be Jewish.  We will not come out of history or this war unscathed.  But through our prayers and our repentance and our charity, we will come out of Yom Kippur cleansed of sin, purified of soul, rededicated to each other and God, and always choosing life and blessing.

G’mar Chatimah Tovah



[1] All quotes in this section taken from the Harvard Crimson: https://www.thecrimson.com/article/2023/12/8/gay-apology-congressional-remarks/

Wednesday, April 15, 2020

Passover Yizkor 2020

A version of this sermon was delivered at Temple B'nai Torah - A Reform Congregation, Wantagh, NY at 7th-day Passover Festival Service.

Passover Yizkor 7th Day 2020: Coronavirus Edition

Passover is supposed to be memorable.  That’s the entire point of the holiday, if you listen to God tell it: In Exodus 12:14, in the midst of God’s instructions and forewarning about the 10th plague, we read: “וְהָיָה֩ הַיּ֨וֹם הַזֶּ֤ה לָכֶם֙ לְזִכָּר֔וֹן This day shall be to you one of remembrance: you shall celebrate it as a festival to the Eternal throughout the ages; you shall celebrate it as an institution for all time.”  Throughout the ages.  For all time.  God reiterates this just a few verses later, commanding: “You shall observe the [Feast of] Unleavened Bread, for on this very day I brought your ranks out of the land of Egypt; you shall observe this day throughout the ages as an institution for all time.” (12:17)

Moses then announces this to the people twice.  After explaining placing the blood over the doorposts to cause the plague to pass over, Moses continues: “You shall observe this as an institution for all time, for you and for your descendants. (ib. 24) Moses repeats this commandment to the people after Pharaoh frees them.  “You shall keep this institution at its set time from year to year,” (13:10) Moses repeats to the people while reminding them about the matzot and the Passover sacrifice.
There is a heightened sense of the importance of memory to the Seder rituals as well.  You may not be able to remember all 10 plagues all the time, but you remember that there are 10.  If you’re like me, you always forget one. 

More than the facts or the story, we all remember what we do when we announce the plagues, we take a little wine out of the cup, to diminish our joy and mitigate the sweetness.  Whether with finger or with spoon, whether you make a point to discard the plague-y wine or lick your pinky when done, that’s memorable. It’s a memory that is made in the best way, by involving so many of the senses.  You hear the plague announced. You touch the wine.  You see the drop grow on your plate or spread on your napkin.  You smell the brisket.  You are completely immersed in an act of memory designed to be memorable. 

God makes the point that Passover is meant to be remembered not just by those who experienced it.  It is meant to be remembered always by all their descendants.  It’s no surprise the youngest sings the four questions.  At some point in your life, you were the youngest in your family.  Every one of us was.  It ensures we all learn the questions of this festival at a young age, so that we can work to figure out the answers as we get older.

We have done a pretty good job as a people of keeping this charge, of remembering and recalling the exodus, how God redeemed us with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm. And we’ve been immensely creative over the generations trying to ensure continued success. 

Well, Passover is supposed to be memorable, all right.  I don’t think that any of us will ever be able to forget this one in particular.  It will be one of those years we all look back on and tell stories about.  “What did you do when the world stopped for Coronavirus?  How did you have your Seder when not everyone could be together?” the children will ask.  "We did what our people have always done," we will tell them.  "We recognized that the importance of sharing the memory of our history would not get, and could not get, vetoed by any pandemic.  We improvised, like our ancestors, and ensured that the story was told to a new generation."

“We focused on the important part,” we’ll say.  And, for each of us that was probably something different.  For all of us it was the same thing, a drive, a sense, that this holiday must be celebrated, that we must remember.  Just because we can’t be physically alongside each other didn’t stop us.  When normally we’d see tables set and filled with 10, 20, 30, 40 people, filling tables in every room, this year so many shared photos online of Seders set for one, two, four.  A computer or a tablet on the table.  We used the technology available to us and strove to be together when we could not.  And though there were fewer dishes to be done at the end of the night, and though we can be proud that we followed God’s commandment, we know it’s not how it’s supposed to be.  We felt it when we didn’t need to put the leaf in the table.  We sensed it when we didn’t need to use all the chairs.  We knew it when we divided the recipe in half. 

On this holiday, so focused on memory, the memory of the past pushed us to move forward, but it also pulls something at our souls.  We’re supposed to be together.  We’re supposed to be alongside each other.  And the absence of those who would have been there only heightens the absence of those who could not be there.  It’s not just those who can’t travel who we miss; it’s those who are now sheltered under God’s wings, who were with us at full tables just a few years back, or many years back which only feel like a few.  The full tables of the past are what we miss especially this year. 

The full tables of Seders past render an image of what the Seder was always supposed to be: generations together, sharing in tradition.  The full tables of the Seders of our past burst with memories of their own.  They tell the stories of our families which make us who we are.  The full tables of our past burst with love: for us and from us.  Today, as we transition to our service of memory, our Yizkor on this last day of our festival, we pause to seat our beloved departed at places of honor at the full Seder tables in our memory, our zikaron

These Seders in our souls burst with the blessings of those who came before us, who taught us the importance of the traditions we worked so hard to fulfill this year.  The Seders in our souls bring us closer to all those whose absence we feel every year, and whose presence we feel every year.  We feel them with us when we push ourselves to make the recipe the same way she did.  We feel them with us when we tell that joke that was told every year.  We feel them with us when we hear the familiar melody that they first taught us.  Our loved ones of blessed memory are with us at every Seder, as they are with us at all times, in our memory. 

No ZOOM password required.

Sunday, October 1, 2017

Yom Kippur Yizkor 5778: The Gravity of Memory

A version of this sermon was delivered at the Yizkor service at Temple Emanu-El of East Meadow on Yom Kippur 5778

A little over a month ago, the United States witnessed one of the great marvels of the heavens, a Total Solar Eclipse.  For a few moments, everyone’s eyes pointed upward, trying to catch a safe glimpse of the occluded sunlight, as the moon made its pass between the light of the sun and us here on the earth.  On Long Island, we had a little over 70% occlusion, and were able to see the crescent shaped shadows from the muted rays of sunlight.  But we could not look upon it with our eyes.  We needed either special glasses or to look through a pinhole.  We can only safely see an eclipse by not looking directly at it.

Almost 100 years ago, a total eclipse was used to prove Albert Einstein’s theory about light and the nature of space-time.  Light travels through space.  It comes from the sun to earth, a relatively short distance, taking but minutes to bask us in its glorious golden rays.  It comes from distant stars, taking years, centuries or millennia to arrive as a gentle twinkle, only visible in the night sky.  Einstein suggested that the path of light’s travel through space is changed by the mass of large objects like the sun.  The gravity of the star pulls the light of another toward it, as it creates a curve in space.  This is also impossible to see without special instruments and without special circumstances.  It is only when the sun is completely blocked that scientists and astronomers can measure the effect that the sun’s gravity has on the path of the light of distant stars before we see them.  Einstein used the eclipse 98 years ago to record this phenomenon, for the first time.

Einstein’s theory was proven thanks to the solar eclipse, and it upended centuries of Newtonian thought and understanding of the universe.  An eclipse literally changed the way we understand the foundations of the universe.  This predictable dance between the two great lights allowed humanity to come to a greater and fuller understanding of how the universe works, and how light travels through it.

This past summer, the National Geographic channel aired a truly magnificent docudrama biopic about the life of Albert Einstein, called Genius.  The series was based on the biography of the same name by Walter Isaacson.  Both trace Einstein’s life, his discoveries and calculations, through the early years while he was still trying to have his ideas accepted, until his later years, when he worked hard to fight against the proliferation of nuclear weapons, which his calculations helped bring to fruition.  We also learn a lot about his relationships, his triumphs and his regrets.  His life was marked, like all of ours, with love and loss, joy and tragedy, war and peace, belief and doubt.

Toward the end of the series, in a scene near the end of his life, Einstein comments to his friend Niels Bohr that he has regrets in his life, and he wishes he could turn back the clock.  Bohr jokes that perhaps time travel could be his final achievement.  Einstein retorts: “There are many moments I would like to relive and many ills I'd like to fix.”  Bohr ends the conversation with the truism: “Time is a tricky thing,” while complimenting that it was Einstein who taught him as much.

Time is a tricky thing.  Often a day feels like but a moment; we blink and it has passed us by.  Then we experience a moment that lasts for what seems like an eternity.  Sometimes we move past occasions of great joy in an instant.  And sometimes we dwell in our sadness and mourning, seemingly endlessly.  Our loved ones were at our side yesterday, it seems.  We can still hear their laugh, smell their perfume, feel their love.  Our loved ones have been gone forever, also.  It’s hard to remember what color that chair was in their house, the smell of my brisket is never quite the same as hers.  I can never tell that joke in the same way.  An eternity has passed no matter how long it has been since they were at our sides.   

Well, Einstein and Bohr never achieved the ability to time travel with the help of a machine.  Today, however, each of us becomes a time machine.  We hurtle through space-time toward the past.  It is through our memories that we are able to do the scientifically impossible.  We travel through time through the act of memory, through Yizkor.  Take a moment and allow yourself the journey.  

We travel back to our youth and experience anew the first look we ever had of our beloved, and we feel the love as we did then.  We travel to the moment we heard those words of wisdom our parents gave to us, and then to the moment we passed them on to our children, and we connect them in our hearts.  We arrive at the fight we had with our sister, or spend time reliving the trip we took with our brother, when we became closer and began to appreciate each other as adults.  We remember and experience again the joy at a simchah, and the sadness of a loss or an illness.  We travel back and forth between now and the past in our most sacred of obligations, the obligation to remember, the obligation to keep alive our loved ones through the blessing of their memory.

We journey through our memories, like a beam of light through space-time, pushed and pulled by the gravity of our memories.   But, like in an eclipse, it is only when the light of the sun is blocked that we can truly see the effect the sun has.  So it is with our loved ones of blessed memory.  As we travel through time in our memories, we come to realize that too often, the effect they had on us can only truly be understood and calculated after they are gone.  After their light has been diminished.  It is only then that we may truly come to appreciate what they meant to us, how they affected us, how the course of our life was altered by their presence.  Like the eclipse, we cannot look upon our memories with our own eyes, we need special tools, the tools of memory.

When Einstein and Bohr bantered about time travel, they knew it was only barely theoretically possible.  When we speak of memory, we know it is all very real.  We know it is real because we time travel.  We travel through time on this Yom Hakippurim and recall the relationships in our lives that were important to us.  We travel as a beam of light, through space-time, feeling the pull of blessed memory on us and our actions, feeling the force of those blessed memories on our souls and our lives.

Energy.  Mass.  The speed of light.  These explain the expanse of the universe.  But memory, memory explains the expanse of the heart.

Let us begin that journey to the past.  Let us begin our travel through time.  Let us experience the past anew, though our sacred work of memory.

Thursday, September 24, 2015

Yom Kippur Yizkor 5776 - The Power of Tears

A version of this sermon was delivered at Temple Emanu-El of East Meadow on Yom Kippur, 5776.

A few years ago, an artist named Rose-Lynn Fisher decided that she would take samples of different kinds of tears and photograph them under an optical microscope. What she discovered was that each tear and each type of tear she photographed gave her a unique artistic composition. She turned these prints into an exhibit she calls The Topography of Tears. Fisher writes: “The random compositions I find in magnified tears often evoke a sense of place, like aerial views of emotional terrain. Although the empirical nature of tears is a chemistry of water, proteins, minerals, hormones, antibodies and enzymes, the topography of tears is a momentary landscape, transient as the fingerprint of someone in a dream.”[1] 

Tears are indeed meant to be momentary, transient, like life. But Fisher, by photographing all these tears, has given them permanence, just as our memories do for our loved ones.

Did you know there are different kinds of tears? The saline that streams down our faces differs depending on the situation. There are actually three different kinds of tears, according to doctors. Basal tears lubricate and protect our eyes each time we blink. Reflex tears are triggered by irritants like onions or smoke. 

The tears in our eyes this day, The Day, however, as we remember our loved ones of blessed memory seem to be unique to humans. No other species cries emotional tears. Emotional tears are triggered by happiness, loneliness, fear, sadness, and grief, among many other emotions and in all combinations. What’s even more interesting is that some studies suggest that these three kinds of tears while similar are all slightly chemically different. Our bodies know when we’re reacting or when we’re expressing emotion. Fisher discovered the difference firsthand, noticing that the tears she photographed were each so different from one another.

In one print titled Tears of Grief, Fisher presents a mostly barren print, with jagged, rectangular intrusions seemingly disconnected from each other, as if the grief has ripped apart the structure. 

Tears of Remembrance, on the other hand, has a darker tone to it, as if the darkness represents the memory washing over similar rectangular forms to those found in Tears of Grief. Those forms come together in this print, as if to tell us that remembrance is an act of piecing together those pieces after the grief that we have felt. 

That these two contain similar characteristics is not surprising; grief and remembrance are so closely intertwined.

All of the science and art about tears is so powerful because tears are universal to the human experience. Those same scientists who study the chemical make-up of tears also work to determine why we cry, what evolutionary purpose does it serve? One thought is that tears are a silent way for us to signal that something is not right. Our tears show our neighbors and our community that we are in pain and in distress and that we long for someone with whom we can no longer speak, with whom we can no longer laugh until we cry, and without whom we feel a void. Tears tell those around us that we need comfort, that we need a caring hand, that no, everything is not ok, not fine.  
Whether one day, one week, one month, one year or many, many, years have passed since we lost our, husband or wife, our partner, our mother, our father, our sister or brother, our child, our grandparent, our friend, the loss is still felt. That loss, though we grow more accustomed to it, will never register as normal. We may have adapted to that void, but the tears still flow to signal that we do not forget. Our tears tell others that we are in pain.

As much as our tears signal our community to action, they also are a signal to each of us. Our tears tell us that our emotional selves still long for those we have lost. Our tears tell us that our souls cry out for the connections we have lost, the friendships, the loves, the laughter, the shared experiences. Our tears serve as a personal, individual yizkor, a personal, internal, physiological and emotional act of remembrance so powerful it has no choice but to come out, so powerful, it could not be left within. And so we cry. And we ought to. Our tears tell us that we do not forget.

As much as tears speak to our neighbors and friends, and as much as our tears equally serve as a form of memory for us, they also speak to God. The psalmist teaches us: “God is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”[2] God knows when we are broken, and God is close to us in our moments of sadness. Perhaps God’s comfort comes through the acts of our neighbors and friends who, after witnessing our tears, are called to comfort us, and sit at our side to remind us that though one we have loved may be gone, love itself is not gone. Perhaps God’s comfort comes from the very real comfort we feel after we have had a good cry, after we feel as if we have let out all the emotion within us, at least for the time being, and all we can do is move on. Perhaps God’s comfort comes because God accepts tears as prayers. When we just can’t find the words to say, and all we can allow ourselves to do is cry, God will accept that. The Talmud[3] teaches us that “though the gates of prayer may be closed, the gate of tears is not.” For the psalmist writes,[4] “Hear my prayer, O Eternal! Hearken to my cry! To my tears do not be deaf.”

Our tears are prayers to God, each one of them. When we cannot find the words and all we have are our memories, our tears tell God all that God needs to know. Our tears of grief and our tears of remembrance call out to God. Our tears of sadness and our tears of loss implore God wordlessly. In this way, their memories truly are for a blessing. Today, as we allow our memories of them to flow through us, let us view our tears as an extraordinary gift from our beloved ones of blessed memory. Let us weep, let us cry, let our tears stream down our faces! And let those tears that their memories evoke indeed become our conduit to God, a prayer to the Eternal and a way for each of us to feel God’s presence. In that way may we be comforted.

[1] http://www.rose-lynnfisher.com/tears.html
[2] Psalm 34
[3] B. BM 59a
[4] Ps. 39:13